Republican - English Dictionary

big government
Any attempt by a duly constituted public authority to regulate or put limits on the power of private corporations or make them responsible for the consequences of their actions, with the exception of the gaming or entertainment industries.

compassionate conservativism
Consists of smiling while cheating women, minorities and the working class out of their share of the nation's productive output. Replaces the term 'friendly fascism'.

class warfare
Epithet used by Republicans to insult and delegitimize observations by Democrats and others of the horrendous and worstening problem of social stratification in the U.S.

Once widely understood as one who adheres to traditional methods or views, Republicans now use this word to cover a broad range of social agendas, including; consolidation of wealth in the hands of a few; intolerance of all religious traditions except certain sects of Christianity; military budgets that are inappropriately large for peacetime.

death tax
New Republican term used to replace the traditional term "estate tax," one of the traditional mechanisms in a democracy to ensure that a self-perpetuating aristocracy is unable to establish itself then capture and subvert democratic institutions. Fully 98% of the U.S. population is uneffected by the estate tax, which primarily burdens the 200 families in the U.S. with a net worth greater than $1 billion.

Formerly meant clearing away legal and other obstacles for the purpose of establishing a competitive marketplace, now used to mean the the transition from de jure legal impediments to competition to de facto impediments such as unregulated and uncontrolled monopolies.

Classic whine by white males when they have been told they have to share their money and power with women, minorities, and the poor.

When used by Democrats it means a consultation with the citizens of a democracy to determine the people they wish to represent them in public office for a fixed period of time. When used by Republicans it means the opportunity to acquire power by any means whatsoever, including but not limited to mimicking the language democracy as cover for violating its essential underlying principles of one person, one vote.

fair and balanced
Republican term meaning archconservative news source serving as a tool of corporate interests while masquerading as impartial. Examples include Fox News, the Washington Times, the Wall Street Journal, etc.

The goal of any form of justice, but especially in the area of taxation, that provides overwhelming benefit to Republican constituencies.

Euphemism for "religious," used as part of an attempt to circumvent the Constitution's Bill of Rights whose first ten words are "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion ..."

family values
Republican code phrase that attempts to justify homophobia, bigotry, and various other forms of intolerance and fear. Also used to justify tax policies that favor the one-third of U.S. households comprised of families with children over the two-thirds of U.S. households that are either not traditional families or contain no children.

get over it
Warning to the listener that questioning the legitmacy of George W. Bush's claim to the presidency will not be tolerated as topic for American citizens to discuss. As a threat it recognizes the vulnerability of the Bush regime to the growing popularity of the observation that Bush won fewer votes than his opponent in Florida as well as nationwide. Please note, you may also hear this idea expressed as "Stop your whining" and/or "Deal with it."

illegal vote
Any ballot in which the voter did not precisely follow the exact requirements as set forth in the voting instructions, and in the case where the voting instructions were erroneous or unclear any vote for a non-Republican. Note : this rule does not apply to military ballots.
See also : legal vote

legal vote
Any ballot in which a Republican's name can be interpreted as having been indicated by the voter.
See also : illegal vote

less government
Code phrase for policies that give big corporations and wealthy individuals license to employ unscrupulous business practices, produce dangerous products, pollute the air and water, and monopolize the market, all with total impunity by allowing the business to write the laws.

Once commonly used to mean"one who is open minded," Republicans have successfully redefined this word to mean dangerous, irresponsible and unpatriotic fanatic.

middle class
When used by a Republican this term refers to the 7% of the U.S. population that earns more than $125,000/year.

A term frequently invoked by President Bush to instruct his political opponents to roll over and play dead so that the Republican or "nonpartisan" approach to public policy can prevail.
See also : partisan

In common Republican usage is now defined as any mean-spirited, illegitmate and unpatriotic attempt by non-Republicans to question the current administration's goals or methods, or to call for debate, or to ask for consideration of alternatives.

Anyone proud to be a Christian, god-fearing Republican, who believes strongly in the immutability of the status quo.
See also : traitor

The crime of lying while under oath. Formerly applied uniformly to all citizens, now only applies to Democrats and other non-Republicans.

Policies designed to keep women -- other than the daughters resulting from the marriage of two Republicans -- in a state of economic dependency upon men and under the control of abusive husbands.

property rights
Laws designed to protect the interests of the oil, timber, mining and livestock industries and enable them to exploit public lands to secure private profits.

Dealers of physiologically addictive and mind-altering drugs known to cause disease and death, subject to criminal prosecution unless the substance in question is tobacco or alcohol, in which case the perpetrator should be given influence and authority within the highest echalons of the Republican Party.

routine military operation
An unprovoked sneak attack by an overwhelmingly superior force.

special interest
Formerly this phrase was reserved for economic interests who sought special privilege. In common Republican usage however it has come to mean any citizen or group of citizens who petition their government to respond to their concerns.

states rights
Doctrine for legitimizing racist, sexist and homophobic reactionary forces fighting a rearguard action against the ineluctible forces of democracy that over time make the U.S. increasingly accepting of full citizenship for racial and ethnic minorities, women and homosexuals.

Godless humanists who may either be domestic enemies of the state (Democrats) or foreign enemies (Communists), and who continuously question the legitimacy of the Bush presidency even after patriots have clearly instructed them to "Get Over It."
See also : get over it

Any action that is not favorable to the Republican agenda.

A person who, after seeing the results of a divided election, vows to bring the people together in a common political agenda, then appoints the most extremist cabinet members and sets out an extremely conservative agenda, forgetting his earlier vows.
See also : hypocrite

welfare reform
Forced reintroduction of uneducated and unskilled workers into the job force to exert downward pressure on wage demands, undercut job training programs and ensure that corporate lobbyists continue to call for an easing of immigration restrictions rather than for improved education and training for American citizens.

John Cory

"We will leave no child behind."
A GOP slogan when properly interpreted meaning - No Survivors.

The unwitting, led by the undesired, in pursuit of the unwanted, for the glory of the unholy. A land of glorious myth and aspirations held in dichotomy.

The ability to judge others according to traditional values(see Conservative), hence the title "compassionate conservative."

One who supports traditional values i.e., extra-marital affairs, multiple marriage vows, draft deferments, and corporate largesse.

A constituent having political influence in direct proportion to campaign contributions. (see Supporter)

A process of choice corrected by Supreme intervention.
An act of Gods for the benefit of the elite.

Programs, which if implemented, will drive hordes of the nonreligious into the nearest chapel in frantic prayers for deliverance and salvation. The EPA is an example of a faith-based initiative.

Foreign Policy
A philosophy of American supremacy based on our having won WWII and our continued ability to bomb whoever the hell we decide needs bombing.

Evidence offered for Congressional Hearings.

Gun Control
A device that provides better stabilization for aiming.

A hollow place; a small dingy squalid place. Also used as an acronym to describe talking-heads, e.g. Hannity-O'Reilly-Limbaugh-Etal. A presidential term of endearment as in, "major-league A**HOLE!"

An organization in which personal service is to be avoided by any future GOP leader. (see Patriotism)

acronym Non-Reality Affliction : a psychological condition affecting a small portion of the population. Symptoms generally consist of tunnel-vision, repetitive digital strain of the trigger-finger, and loss of hearing from loud explosions of outraged citizens. (Development of a cure is currently being under-funded by all means possible.)

Two degrees of separation from reality i.e., Dr. Laura and Rush Limbaugh.

Duty which is expected of lesser citizens who have no hope of attaining political or radio fame.

A political contributor not yet nominated for an appropriate administration position. One who has contributed less than was expected.

An act of expression by the populous largely ignored by the un-chosen. A slang term meaning, "an exercise in futility."

george w. bush

pearly gates