While surfing the Web, you may come upon many conservative-oriented pages.
They use their own lingo, which can be confusing to outsiders. To aid you in your perusal of right wing web resources, here is a concise glossary of some terms they use. Standard disclaimers apply : "I know all conservatives aren't Nazis, my best friends are conservative, really, blah, blah, blah..."

... in totally random order ...

• ACLU - Bad, because they defend parts of the Bill of Rights.
• NRA - Good, because they defend parts of the Bill of Rights.
• Criminal - Someone who breaks the law, unless the law has anything to do with guns, selling arms to Iran, or refusing to pay your taxes. In those cases, you are a ...
• Victim of society - Any white male, especially a conservative one, who are suffering now more than any other race in all history.
• Leech, Welfare bum/queen - Any person on the government dole, EXCEPT for corporations receiving tax write-offs, ranchers and farmers receiving subsidies, and defense contractors.
• Libertarianism - Survival of the fittest, and if you don't like it, you don't deserve to survive.
• Liberal - Anyone who shows human compassion, or reads the New York Times.
• Christian - Anyone who is a member of the Christian Coalition.
• Godless Atheist - Anyone who is not a member of the Christian Coalition.
• The Homosexual Agenda - Gay people exercising their rights to free speech and to petition the government for redress of grievances.
• Grassroots citizens' movement - Conservative people exercising their rights to free speech and to petition the government for redress of grievances.
• Republican Party - A political party which welcomes all conservatives, as long as they are pro-life, pro-gun, and anti everything else.
• Democratic Party - Communists.
• Gays, Feminists, Environmentalists, Immigrants, Blacks - These didn't exist until they were invented by liberals back in the 1960's.
• Washington - The heart of the Evil Empire.
• Bureaucrat - A Democrat working for the government.
• Public Servant - A Republican working for the government.
• Rush Limbaugh - The leading conservative intellectual (do I really need to insert a snide comment here?).
• Extremist - Bill Clinton.
• Moderate - Pat Robertson.
• Guns and Ammo magazine - Pornography for conservatives.
• Our Founding Fathers - The true heroes who persevered and founded a nation conceived in liberty, and who also share identical beliefs with Rush Limbaugh.
• Religion - What should be taught at public schools instead of science.
• Evolution - A kooky cult started by Charles Darwin.
• Jesus Christ - A conservative Republican leader to whom some erroneously attribute the phrases "love thy neighbor" and "turn the other cheek".
• Ronald Reagan - The greatest President ever.
• Abraham Lincoln - Was a Republican when the party began 140 years ago, so he can be forgiven for freeing the slaves and suppressing states' rights.
• States rights - The right for individual states to pass conservative laws without interference from Washington. Note : does not apply if states pass liberal laws.
• Judicial activism - What liberal judges do.
• Sound jurisprudence - What conservative judges do.
• Pro-lifer - Someone who is strongly in favor of preserving the life of children before they are born, but not afterwards.
• Traditional Values - The classic values and morals that made America great, such as lynching blacks, beating up gays and keeping the "little woman" barefoot and pregnant.
• Pro-family politician - Any thrice-divorced Republican congressman late on child-support payments who is against gay marriage.
• Criminals Rights - Should be ignored unless said criminal is a member of wacko religious cult or is firearms dealer.
• Liberal (2) - A conservative who has been arrested.
• Liberal media - Anything to the left of the American Spectator, G. Gordon Liddy, or Rush Limbaugh.
• Public Broadcasting - Rush Limbaugh (historical note : Newt Gingrich actually said this!).
• Family Values - A mother and father who vote Republican raising two kids who attend a private school in the suburbs and attend a conservative church.
• Subversive elements in society - Bookstores, coffeehouses, art galleries, and anything inside the city limits of a major American city.
• RKBA - The Right to Kill and Bomb Americans.
• Special Rights - Constitutional rights for minorities you don't like.
• Islamic Fundamentalism - The greatest threat to the Integrity of our Beloved Nation.(Fact : Limbaugh has said this on many an occasion).
• Christian Fundamentalism - The greatest hope for the Integrity of our Beloved Nation.
• Religion - Conservative Biblical literalism.
• Cult - An institution that is not a RELIGION (see above).
• Scholarship - Any work such as The Bell Curve, The American Spectator, or The Limbaugh Letter.
• Liberal Ideology - Anything espoused in the work of Stephen Jay Gould, Noam Chomsky, or The Nation.
• Big Government - Federal social programs that attempt to construct a more rational, fair society.
• Proper Government - Billions upon billons of tax dollars wastefully spent on inefficient and otherwise prohibitively costly defense contracts, subsidies and tax breaks for corporations, and "The War on Drugs."
• Character - Religion.
• Family values - Censorship and Gay-bashing.
• Helping working families - Vote for me, get a check!
• Tried as an adult - Fried as an adult.
• Youth - For a Republican, any period preceding last week;
  For a minority, ends at age six.
• Youthful indiscretion - Any crime or moral failing committed by a Republican.
• Learned my lesson - Got away with it.
• Honesty - Spin.
• Honor - Not getting caught.
• Tax Cuts - You pay the taxes so that the rich can be subsidized.
• Wise use - God intended humans to use up all natural rsources now, before the imminent Rapture.
• Humans - American corporations.
• Tort reform - A slap on the wrist is the only acceptable punishment for illegal or unethical activities by corporations.
• Political Correctness - Left-wing lock-step groupthink conformism.
• Simple Common sense - Right-wing lock-step groupthink conformism.
• Elites - Hollywood, People working for social change,
• Just plain folks - Corporations, Wall Street,
• Needy - Anyone earning more than $500,000.
• Rigged election - What Slobodan Milosevic tried to do in Yugoslavia in 2000.
• Free and Fair elections - What the Shrub is doing in Florida in 2000.

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  • Articles of Impeachment - when accusing President Clinton, open-ended vagueness required and no specificity permitted - material fact-ignoring encouraged whenever facts conflict with common sense or pattern arguments.
  • Bob Barr - expert on family values - innocent target of Larry Flynt.
  • Budget Surplus - attributable only to Reagan and Bush - tax cut for the rich.
  • Dam*(four letter version of damnation) - to express emphasis or astonishment.
  • Dip-stick - usually reserved for personal attack - also usually best effort at original wit.
  • Dumb - used both for personal attack and to express discigreement to a fact or idea against which there is no rational argument or JBS-scripted position.
  • Grounds for removel from office - for President Clinton, a name change at any time during his life, a bad hair day or anything else that can be discovered prior to mid-January, 2001.
  • Housemenagers - open-minded procedure fairness experts - also conveyers of the gospel according to Ken Starr - disciples of Henry Hyde.
  • Liberal
    ( uncharacteristically longer than four letters ) - a favorite word used both for personal attack and to describe any issue position locking the seal of approval of the right wing.
  • Liar - used for personal attack and to express disagreement - use inappropriate for describing right wing heroes including, but not limited to, Richard Nixon, Ollie North, and George Bush.
  • Material Witness - for a Representative, to be avoided at all costs - for a Senator, to be required at all costs.
  • Paula Jones - the only person ever alleging sexual harassment worthy of support.
  • Perjury and Obstruction of justice - the one and only important attribution to President Clinton worthy of discussion.
  • Sex - any physical act between humans not specifically admitted by President Clinton as having occurred between himself and an immunized perjurer.
  
  

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