So Close To Jesus ...

So Close To Jesus ...

Betty Bowers

... He validates my parking.
... We have joint checking.
... The jews don't believe in me either.
... He's given me His loaves and fish recipe.
... He Has Many Times Brought People Back From The Dead Simply So That I Can Have the "Last Word".
... We're thinking of taking separate vacations this year.
... He Brings All My Plants Back to Life When I Forget to Water Them.
... I'm allowed to sin all day on Thursdays.
... He's Seen Me Without Make-up (once).
... His Oedipal Mother Has Taken To Referring To Me as "That Woman".
... He Uses My Birthday When He Buys Lotto Tickets.
... I've Asked Him To Move Over Just Bit (I'm a tish claustrophobic).
... Mary Refers to me as "Yoko Bowers".
... He Say "Wind Beneath My Wings" To Me at my Surprise Birthday Party.
... There is Talk of a Holy Quadrant.
... We Bought Season Tickets For the Paris Opera Together.
... He Designates Me On Forms That Require A "Contact In Case of Emergency"
(as His Father has foresaken Him before).
... I Know His AOL Password.
... He Is Scheduling the Apocalypse To Give Me Time to Be Fitted For A Fabulous Outfit Suitable for Judging.
... I'm His Webmaster.
... We've Bought Investment Property Together.
... We Are Spending The Weekend Together in the Hamptons
(and I always know it will be a sunny, lovely day).
... He's Waiving The Carry-On Baggage Limitations for My Ascension.
... Our Crucifixes Share a Cross-Beam.
... we sang "I Got You babe" at karaoke night at the town club last night.
... That the other 2/3 of the trinity have been sneering and making bad Yoko Ono jokes.
... I'm # 3 On His Speed-Dial.
... I always ask for a "table for two" even when dining "alone".
... I always drive in the HOV lanes.
... For My Birthday He Is Surprising Me With A Lovely Meteor Shower
(try not to be in China/Burma/Laos/Cambodia/Thailand in January).
... The Hotel Manager Always Smirks When I Check in "Alone".
... I only Have Four Commandments.
... I Am Verily Awash in the Blood of The Lamb
(you should see my dry cleaning bills!).
... Delta Allows us to Pool Our SkyMiles.
... We File Joint Tax Returns.
... That Communion Is Like Leftovers.
... He's opened up to me about His Martyr Complex.
... He Turns A Deaf Ear to the Prayers of Those Who Snub Me at Parties.
... I'm His Co-Pilot.
... I Can Stop By Without Praying First.
... I wear safety goggles so His crown of thorns doesn't poke me in the eye.
... We have Identical DNA.

If God Created Me In His Image,
I Have More Than Returned The Compliment!
Betty Bowers

Betty Bowers interviews Dr.Laura